Three weeks prior to leaving for Costa Rica, on the last day of my graduate school courses, a week before graduation, I watched my father get hauled into an ambulance - unable to speak, a huge abrasion on his face from where he hit the floor, and barely conscious. It was the first time I had been in the presence of the aftermath of a stroke, and it was horrifying. The next days were spent in the hospital where he seemed to have somewhat recovered. It seems to be one of our more difficult tasks as humans to understand that we have very little control over the fate of others, that we really have very little control over anything. It is perhaps even more difficult to be happy despite our situation. I, like many in my community, have been sickened by the catastrophe in the Gulf. I have felt as though the hole in the ocean floor literally extended to my heart, but it was my powerlessness that darkened my soul - even more than the destruction of habitat, more than the innocent lives taken by our greed and consumption, more than the flippant, smug attitudes taken by the powers that be, more than the fact that even a catastrophe of this magnitude may not wake up humanity to the perils of a fossil fuel economy. I felt this same powerlessness as I sat by my father's side in the emergency room; watching as he suffered, unable to to anything except keep him covered and lift his head when he choked on his own saliva.
I realized, though, as I flew with my beautiful wife over thousands of miles of pristine landscape - mountains, desert, plains, steppes, woodland, forest - on our way to Central America, that, yes, human impact upon our planet is stupefying in its hubris; and yet by focusing my attention only upon the ugliness I do a horrible disservice to the beauty. Legend has it that if humans stop believing in the Gods, the Gods will disappear; they will be replaced by whatever we worship in their stead. Even science has realized that strict empiricism is impossible - that our observation affects the observed. So is it not in the best interest of the cosmos to be appreciated? We mourn our planet's passing yet it has not yet passed. Was it not the same with my father? I spent my time worrying about his death while he sat next to me breathing in the same air as I. I began to ponder: What if our only purpose on this planet were to be happy? What if it were as simple as that? I am blessed with this life - around me miracles abound. Is not the sheer fact of existence enough to fill a soul to brimming...if one were to allow oneself to truly take it in? I realized that I was tired. Tired of living my life in fear of the future and regret of the past. I can no more predict the future than I can change the past. My greatest contribution may be how I live this very moment: Will I sit, despondent, with my head in my hands, fearful of what tomorrow may bring and ignore the flock of finches playing in the cordyline tree? Will I walk down the street immersed in regret about yesterday and refuse to smile at a little boy and his mother walking their unruly little dog?
How much power is there in a smile, in taking an interest in another human being, in feeling love and gratitude for what we have rather than fear of what we may be losing? A star gave its life so that we may have it - so is it not our duty to shine as brightly? It took 13.5 billion years for the cosmos to create self-reflective consciousness. Even if the human moment is merely a flash in that timeline, I believe that we owe it to the universe to look back in wonder. We are one of only a few species on the planet that has the capability to smile. I find it hard to believe that this was an accident.
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